Yellow Butterflies
by Suspended
Summary: AU Lily hadn't been watching Harry, Now everythings gone wrong and James still blames her.


**A/N**: Okay this is my second fanfic and something you should know is that Harry did defeat Voldemort as a baby but James and Lily survived. That's all so please enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Meg & Dia's Yellow Butterflies.

**Yellow Butterflies**

**He was just five years old, a slightly moody day.**

**He couldn't stay away from that river's edge, and I.**

**I turned by back to count, the daffodil seeds that surrounded.**

**I closed my eyes and then heard the water wake up, and I**

**I can still hear that scream.**

It had started off as such a peaceful day, with the sun rising high in the air, and the sound of children playing on the streets of Gordic's Hallow. Even Sirius and Remus had come over which had become a rare occasion.

_Flashback _

_Lily Potter sat watching her son of five play on the floor with his stuffed animal of Padfoot; a birthday gift from Sirius, her son's godfather. Soon enough she heard a ringing noise._

_Lily was startled by the noise but soon heard the door being answered by her husband James. Laughing came from the hallway and her son Harry ran to the door to greet his godfather and honorary 'uncle' leaving his stuffed animal forgotten._

"_PA FOO', MOONY!"_

_More laughing came from the hallway till it was brought over to the family room which a chuckling Lily currently occupied. _

"_Hey Evans" greeted Sirius who was holding Harry. _

"_It's Potter now, you of all people should know that" Lily gently scolded. "Hello Remus" she said turning to face the werewolf who was to be the only one of the Marauders who she could speak intelligently to. _

"_Hi Lily it has been too long since the four of us have been together like this" _

_The red haired woman simply smiled in response. _

"_So what are we doing today?" questioned James who was unsuccessfully attempting to take his son out of his best friends hold. This was to be expected since Harry had not seen 'his uncle Moony and Padfoot' in such a long time. _

"_I was thinking we could all enjoy this beautiful weather were having outside" Sirius responded. _

"_Beautiful weather!" echoed Harry._

_End flashback_

**It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.**

**Grab my hand I can't I can't, I can still hear that face sink beneath the waves.**

**Baby please breathe for me; give me time I am here.**

**Were did you go, where'd you go, where'd you go, where'd you go?**

When ever I sleep, when ever I hear his name, every _waking_ moment I hear my son, Harry, screaming for me asking for help.

_Flashback_

_James, Sirius, Lily, Remus and Harry sat talking at the wooden picnic table, well the adults were talking while Harry just looked bored, when unexpectedly, a small brown owl came flying towards them carrying a letter. _

"_What does the old man want now?" complained Sirius. _

"_Show some respect Padfoot!" scolded Remus, who felt eternally grateful to Albus Dumbledore for allowing him to enroll in Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. _

_James quickly took the note, read through it, and looked to his friends. _

"_Looks like Dumbles wants us for a quick meeting for the order." _

"_What for?" inquired Lily_

"_Oh just to discuss what to do with a few stray death eaters that are still roaming around. It shouldn't take any longer than 20 minutes."_

"_Well you three go ahead and I'll stay to watch Harry" his wife declared. _

_End flashback_

**Where the angels that lonely? ****Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?**

**Can't everybody else just lie to me.**

**He's home, He's home crying for me now.**

**Every night on a Monday, I will visit the same spot that I hate**

**Yes the place that baby loved, now he can taste it.**

**It took him away.**

If only I hadn't been so idiotic, it wouldn't have cost my son his life.

_Flashback_

_Harry ran over to the river as fast as his little legs would carry him while his mother watched the blooming flowers. _

_He struggled to take off his tiny shoes and socks so he could put his feet in the water. _

_Harry absolutely loved this river, even though he was told never to get too close. _

_When__ Harry finally achieved his task, he stuck his feet in the water and relaxed. _

_Unfortunately, this wasn't enough for the young child so he gradually began to go deeper and deeper till the water reached his little nose. _

_Lily was watching the flowers grow with pride for her ability to garden with out magic. _

_It wasn't till she turned around to see a sight she would never forget. _

_Her young Harry was screaming, pleading for help in the river that was quickly consuming him. Lily reached for her wand only to see that she had forgotten it inside. Lily ran and felt her heart being torn out of her body when the young child's face stopped screaming abruptly. _

_She ran faster than she ever had, jumped into the river, and grabbed Harry's cold body. _

"_Come on Harry wake up, its mummy, wake up, please!" she pleaded with her child only to receive no response. _

_Lily checked Harry's pulse. _

_There was none. _

_The world stopped. She couldn't feel, she couldn't breathe nor cry. Lily screamed a pain filled scream that the earth, in its long history, had never heard. _

"_Lily what's…?" _

_James, Sirius and Remus ran over to the sobbing woman until they stopped when they saw exactly what she was holding. _

_They were speechless. _

_A sweet, caring, innocent boy had just been taken from them. _

_End flashback_

**It's been five years since then, and when it hits September.**

**I feel like I'm dying again, James won't even talk to me**

**Talk to me, isn't this pain guilt enough?**

**I can't even look out the window, without seeing reflections distorted in the sun.**

I had refused to believe it, they refused to believe it. That was the second worst day of my life. The first was the next day when it truly hit me that my baby boy was gone, never to return.

James blames me for Harry's death. So do I. We haven't spoken since that day. Remus and Sirius didn't blame me though. They took care of us, made sure we were all right.

"_It will be okay, everything will turn out fine" _Remus would say sadly.

"_Don't blame her James, you know how he loved the water" _Sirius would say through a broken voice.

James would always reply with _"Well she should have known that as well! Why wasn't she watching him!?! Why wasn't she watching my son!?!" _ He would always end up crying.

**And I, I can still hear that scream.**

**It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.**

**Grab my hand I can't I can't, I can still hear that face sink beneath the waves.**

**Baby please breathe for me; give me time I am here.**

**Where did you go, where'd you go, where'd you go, where'd you go?**

**Were the angels that lonely? Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?**

**Can't everybody else just lie to me?**

**He's home, he's home crying for me now**

Every Monday I visit his grave. I hope with everything I am that he will return to me and make everything all right again. That's what hurts the most, knowing he won't, and know he is just a pile of bones lying in the ground, cold and unmoving.

I just want to be with him.

**And when the pain hits me like gunshot, oh and I'm headed on the way to the floor**

**I hear him name and it kills me, oh bottles up, bottles up, bottles up.**

**And I'm trying my best to hurt me; James says it's never enough.**

**A razor to the wrist for each unshed tear.**

**Cough it up, drink it up drink it up.**

_Flashback_

_Lily needed a way to get rid of the pain. A way to escape._

_She took the razor from the bathroom and cut her wrist. Lily had been fascinated by the blood. So she cut again. _

_This was the one thing she could control in her life and it made her feel good, better than she had in a long time. _

_End flashback_

**Were the angels that lonely? Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?**

**Can't everybody else just lie to me, lie to me?**

**He's home, he's home crying for me now.**

**Every night on a Monday, I will visit the same spot that I hate.**

**Yes the place that baby loved, now he can taste it.**

**It took him away, oh it took him away, took him away.**

Why won't they lie!?! Why can't everything be alright!?!

I'm in the hospital now, I pleaded with Poppy to give me pills so I could see my baby boy, that's all I wanted.

Poppy took sympathy and did. Now I lay here waiting and I'm so excited. A feeling I thought I would never feel again.

**So I had a coma, when I crashed my car in the lake.**

**Sorry baby darling I knew it was no mistake**

**So I went to the doctor, and I told her oh my heart would break.**

**If I couldn't see you, she just gave me more pills.**

**But I saw you up there, still floating by the river.**

**God you always loved that river, I bet your heaven looks just like it.**

**Then I'll like it too even though it scares me now when I'm alone, but when I'm with you**

**I'll be just fine I'll be fine, we can sit.**

**We can talk about, talk about, butterflies.**

Now I see you, you had been waiting, and now were together. Now we just sit and talk about everything, about nothing, about butterflies.

**A/N**: I hope you liked it! Please review!!! Thanks!!

Suspended


End file.
